In the comments I’ve made mention of my spry, red-headed editor. But this woman, let’s just call her “Frau M,” deserves some direct recognition. Let me state this plainly- this blog would be b.o.r.i.n.g if I were working alone.
This is how it goes with us: I crank out an uber-serious, way-too-heavy post and send it to her. When it comes back to me, it is actually worth reading. I have learned not to bother straining my brain to invent an intro or conclusion, because Frau M effortlessly rolls out something better. As I review her modifications (and sometimes all-out re-writes) I have been known to disrupt the Starbucks patrons at the table next to me with my outbursts of laughter. The content is still mine, but oh so much better. As she put it, “I feel like I pry the actual you out of your post when I tweak them”. Yes. A much wittier, more-fun-to-read me.
Why do I share this with you, my dear blogging friends? Because I am not great. If I ever do an interview on Leno or the like (big dreams for this small-potatoes blogger), I shall be a severe disappointment. Because what gives this blog legs is not one tired stay-at-home mom finding breaths of spare moments to read, research, respond and write, but two tired stay-at-home mothers working together. (That whole bon-bon shtick on this post? Yeah, we had a good laugh over that one.)
And that illustrates an important point. Often times Christians wrongly exalt married love as the ultimate relationship in this earthly life. But godly friendships and love within the church is the one brand of human love that no Christian can live without. It’s the bringing together of different people with different gifts that God uses to forward His kingdom. Marriage isn’t a requirement for spiritual growth and for living on-mission for Christ. But being in close relationship with other believers is. And when friends unite for a common calling, there is glory to behold.
So the next time you find yourself snickering over a line from this blog, whisper a prayer of thanks for Frau M. Without her, you would find my posts obscenely dull. Or more likely, you simply would not read it at all.
askthe"Bigot" 
Great with a companion..!
Girl power. 😉
AskMe,
Haha that’s funny! Thanks to both of you it is a delightful and inspirational read.
Thanks Yolanda!!
Met the author and editor. The author has undersold her capabilities. It might be like comparing jalapeno to habanero peppers. Both deliver a memorable experience in their intensity but neither can be called mild. Both of you make the team better. The author needs to continue with the solid ideas for discussion and the editor can liberally add spice to the main course.
Glad you have finally come out as a public supporter of this blog, Dean. Now I’m going to have expectations that you will comment more often… 😉
Speechless. XOXO
Do you think that if I had run this post past my editor before I published that she would have caught the typo in the TITLE?!?! I present to you Exhibit A for the case of: why I can’t do this alone.
Mark Twain said he had no respect for someone who could only spell a word one way. I would only note that minimal capitalisation for titles is the current trend. 😉
Whew! Thanks for the heads-up Troy. My future titles littered with lower-cases will make me look like a pro.
Hi there. Like the blog – came via a link from LifeSiteNews and will be checking back in. I also can’t think of a person that I can’t hate, but no matter how charitably I make a point that the hating crowd doesn’t like, I’m called a bigot.
I think I get your point that the need for platonic friendship is more universal than the need for marriage, and that serious and deep platonic friendships are necessary and usually overlooked in discussions of Love. (CS Lewis’ “The Four Loves” has a lot to say on this that I think you’d like).
But your comparison to marriage is, sorry to say, pretty far off. You write “Often times Christians wrongly exalt married love as the ultimate relationship in this earthly life.” and then “Marriage isn’t a requirement for spiritual growth and for living on-mission for Christ.” The second is true, but misses something important for those who are married: For the person who chooses the marriage vocation, his marriage then certainly becomes his primary means of a path to holiness and living ‘on-mission for Christ’ (great phrase, btw).” This person also needs good platonic friendships for honesty, accountability, relief and general well-being. But these are secondary to his wife.
The first sentence is almost completely false. Marriage is the only earthly relationship that images the Holy Trinity – the entire gift of self between man and woman which naturally (which is different from always, for various reasons) leads to new life. As the Father and the Son’s eternal love issues forth in the Holy Spirit. It leads to the natural family, which is the basic building block for every healthy society. Indeed, as you’ve written in other places, perhaps the primary reason our nation is falling apart is because we’ve rejected this common sense truth. The angels, without physical bodies, cannot do what the married couple does, and have been said for centuries to be in awe of this gift that only humans have.
The truth in the claim is that not everyone is called to marriage, though we are all called to answer fully to whatever God is calling us to do. A person living a celibate life as a religious or consecrated single person is also stepping into a life of grace in following God’s call, and like the married person needs good, honest friends also.
It’s occurred to me that the reason marriage is so difficult, even when it’s a good one, is just for this reason. It is under great attack from outside today, but spiritually from the inside as well. Glad you’re on the case shedding light on this attack. God bless you.
Hi Steve. Great points and wonderful to have you here, by the way. Married love is of course unique because it is the one sanctioned outlet for sexual expression, a mysterious picture of the union of Christ and the church. In that sense, one might consider it the “ultimate” expression of human love. And for those who are married, I think your application is right on: “For the person who chooses the marriage vocation, his marriage then certainly becomes his primary means of a path to holiness and living ‘on-mission for Christ’… This person also needs good platonic friendships for honesty, accountability, relief and general well-being. But these are secondary to his wife.” Of course as you rightly point out, married love produces one-of-a-kind fruit in the bearing and raising of children.
But if “ultimate” means something that you cannot live without, married love is not “ultimate.” Not everyone is called to marriage, but everyone is called to fellowship with other believers. Marriage is not a requirement for fruitful ministry (e.g. Jesus, Paul) but working with the other members of the Body of Christ is. But as I digested your comments, it did occur to me that while married love is not required for the health and growth of the adult believer, it is essential for the thriving of children and therefore the married love of parents is paramount or “ultimate” for children. (Obviously I’ve communicated those concepts elsewhere but this a fresh expression.)
Thank you again for your comments, Steve. So glad you stopped by and I hope to hear more from you in the future!
Thanks for the reply. I think we agree on the important points but disagree about the meaning of the word “ultimate.” I think a better word for “something that you cannot live without” is “necessary.” True, marriage is not necessary for everyone. The person who generously and courageously seeks out and chooses her true calling from God will find that that choice leads to her ultimate relationship (granting that our personal relationship with God is first, and in the most important sense, ultimate). To the person truly called to marriage, her marriage is the ultimate human relationship, which is her path to holiness. Platonic friendships are good and necessary, and necessarily support her vocation of marriage, taking a lower priority than those with her husband and children. These other relationships may at times be felt as more edifying, especially at a difficult point in a marriage, but that doesn’t make them ultimate.
To the person for whom holy orders or consecrated religious or single life is the path to holiness, the relationships in his or her life support this continued vocation. For these persons, the platonic relationships are probably felt as the most important ones, this makes sense and these relationships are necessary.
Maybe it’s better to save the word “ultimate” for our relationship with God, since this requires no qualification. Friends – especially good, close friends who help us know ourselves and becomes ourselves in a more profound and virtuous way – are definitely necessary.
“Marriage isn’t a requirement for spiritual growth and for living on-mission for Christ. But being in close relationship with other believers is.”
So absolutely true and worth thinking about often.