Pink has published both his first response to me as well as my second email to him. I would encourage you to stop by his site and read them both. (1/15/15 Update: Pink’s response and my second email can be found at the end of this post.)
Friends, I do not want to give the impression that things are tied up in a pretty package between us. He still feels that his motives for exposing me were noble, and clearly I see that as a ridiculous double standard. (He did, however just offer to remove the names, addresses and picture of my friends from church. And for that I am very grateful.) Let the reader understand, that we are cooperating to publish our correspondence is, in and of itself, quite an achievement after the events of last week.
Everything that I’ve said in our email exchange I have said numerous times on my blog. But it is heard differently when it is spoken person-to-person in response to genuine questions. Point in case, here is a conversation that he and I had after my post yesterday.
Christian: You used my information to deliberately hurt other who are totally disconnected from my blog. I like you (now) Pink. But that was wrong.
Christian: They count. My objection to gay marriage is that at its core, the state’s interest in marriage is children. Mothers and fathers offer unique, valuable, and complimentary benefits to children (it’s not a sexual orientation thing, it’s a gender thing.) We should not then promote a family structure where the child has to lose one or both parents. (But in our own life, we should not condition our friendship or love based on whether or not someone’s family fits that mold.)
So, friend. I ask you. Is there a way I can say that where it doesn’t hurt my gay neighbor? Because if there is, I will gladly adjust my language. Honestly, I would love your suggestions about ways that I can soften my method without changing my message.
But some feel that the above message in and of itself is offensive. If that is the case, I cannot stop speaking about it because some find it uncomfortable. That children have a right to, whenever possible, a relationship with both their mother and father is too vital a truth to be left unsaid.
Gay: In my not entirely humble opinion the message ignores the realities of the world. Ideal is a bit of a fantasy. Every single family I’ve ever met had issues. Too much this, too little that. The mother and father factor is also overblown. I’ve seen father’s do terrible harm to their daughters and mothers to their sons. Scott Forbes explains it beautifully in A Natural History of Families. This surpasses language. It’s a matter of reviewing results.
Christian: There is certainly no silver bullet for raising flawless kids. But nearly every social issue (incarceration rates, academic performance, mental/physical health issues, poverty) can be traced back to an in tact home. And why? Because mothers and fathers are key ingredients for the emotional food kids are made for. Not only that, but any kid that I have ever met who has lost a parent for any reason suffers for it. Brokenness in this life finds us. But we should not chose a broken parental bond for the sake of adult fulfillment.
As my long-time followers (all 50 of you!) know, I don’t usually blog this often. I write about once a week to give time to field and respond to comments and still be able to help kids study for spelling tests, feed the cats, kiss boo boos, pack lunches and if I’m lucky have a face-to-face conversation with my husband. But I don’t want to miss the chance to demonstrate with Pink the beginnings of what I believe is a genuine conversation. There is no waving of a magic wand to blissfully unite two adversaries. It’s raw and messy. And it will not always yield pleasing fruit. But in this case, I think it has.
If you are new here, please read the posts below before you submit questions. I will not be giving as much time to fielding comments this week. For now, my attention is going to be given to Pink’s questions and where he would like to go from here.
On loving those in our lives who are gay and our method of communicating:
On why I advocate for natural marriage: